I drink because I work, and I work so that I can drink

You can generally place our employees in 3 different categories:
1. There are the employees we love, they brighten your day with their happiness to work and it's a pleasure to work with them.
2. There are the average keep-to-themselves employees, I'd say those are my favorite - you do you, I do me, we live happily ever after apart!
3. Then there are the employees that send me through the roof, Willy Wonka Glass Elevator style!

On that note, here's a nice little story for you! Once upon a time it was roughly 12:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful Monday and my co-worker was lucky enough to be on vacation... or stay-cation in this case. She was out to lunch that afternoon when she notices an employee who is the LEADER of category #3 - a pest is an understatement, lets call this woman Dory.

Now according to my co-worker, Dory was not going for an afternoon stroll, she was going for an afternoon stumble! She was drunker then drunk, ham sandwiched if you will, she should have been arrested for a WUI- Walking Under the Influence. She wasn't out there trying to hide her magoogled behavior, she was brown paper bag handy! What's the logical thing for her to do in this instance you ask? OF COURSE, call her employer!

The phone conversation Dory and I had was one of those "you had be there" conversations that don't translate well after writing, but needless to say our conversation didn't get very far. It was a cluster-fuck of massive amounts of slurring, her randomly at points screaming "two, two, two, two..." for what reason I have NO idea, her continuously asking someone to turn the music down.... when there was no noise in the background, the incredible awkwardness of her blatantly hitting on me (yes, my ears DID throw up), and just massive amounts of pure drunken comedy.

The next day Dory shows up at our office with no recollection of the hilarity that ensued just 24 hours before, and claimed someone hit her on her bicycle.... I'm guessing it was the invisible man that always shows up when you've had too much to drink.

Seriously, I feel like I shouldn't even write the moral of this story. But because we get these calls all the time and this is just one of the many, I will. Please when you are cocked off your ass-  call your employer... if you're not looking to keep your job.